No Bunnies Near Biff

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Matt, Mark, Luke, and John have told us all about Jesus’ first and last years. Now Biff’s here to fill in the Bible’s gaps in Christopher Moore’s wickedly witty novel “Lamb: The Gospel according to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal.”

Brought back from the dead, Biff provides both a hilarious and irreverent recount of Jesus’ life from childhood to crucifixion. After first meeting in Nazareth, the mischievous Biff and the principled Jesus, then known as Joshua, quickly become best buds. Through Biff’s casual descriptions of their childhood together, Moore creatively brings new human qualities to Joshua.

Biff discusses their boyhood crushes on Mary of Magdala, or Maggie, their games of role-playing Moses and Pharoah, and how the “Prince of Peace” would sometimes smite him. The story reaches its climax, however, when the duo decide to seek the Three Wise Men to help Joshua understand his fate.

Moore combines adventure, absurdity, and hilarity as we travel from page to page with Biff and Joshua through the Orient. The two study various religions throughout their journey, Joshua focusing on the spiritual aspects and Biff taking a particular interest in the erotic. Of course, the pair was a part of a several side-splitting escapades, involving Balthazar’s hungry pet devil, the Hindu Goddess of destruction, and Yeti, among others.

Throughout, Moore uses biting anecdotes to cleverly account for the well-taught Catholic stories. When Joshua fights his feelings for Maggie, for instance, he eases his frustration by petting a rabbit and reveals the origin of the Easter Bunny, "Henceforth and from now on, I decree that whenever something bad happens to me, there shall be bunnies around."

Moore clearly uses an extensive knowledge of the religion to make clever light of the sacred subject. While devout Catholics may consider his work blasphemy, anyone who can accept this for the humorous fiction it is, will praise the day they read Moore’s “Lamb.”

Writing Rule:

Some may toss Moore aside once meeting his sarcasm (but who are these people who can quit a book before end anyway?!); alternatively, many, including myself, probably identify instantly; and all those on the fence surely grow an appreciation for his style by the end of his novel. Read his words and you can picture his real life character.

For helpful tips on putting your character in your words, check out writing coach Joanna Young's free e-book, The Courage to Hear Yourself Sing: Five Takes on Authentic Writing, at her blog: http://confidentwriting.com/.

The more someone feels they know you, the more they want to read from you. Don’t be shy. Find your voice and sing it loud.

Inspirational Garbage

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A slim bottle of ice wine stands tall next to a baseball cap on my coffee table. It’s like the CN Tower and SkyDome have plopped themselves right in my living room, calling me out, luring me downtown. Surrounding them are piles of crumpled papers—the snow in the city streets, maybe. And buried in the snow lies the third Harry Potter novel. That must be….the Eaton’s Centre. I could really use some new mittens.

No. No. No. No more dreaming. They’re not snow mounds—they’re failed attempts at brainstorming for blogs. And the wine and the book—well, they are last night’s distractions. It’s all a mess in need of cleaning, but not before I’ve de-cluttered my mind.

It’s really crappy, being mentally constipated. Some crafty little thing snacks on my creativity and leaves concrete. Some call it writer’s block; I call it apprehension. Seeming to agree, Seth Godin, a marketing guru, says, “The only thing that prevents your creativity from showing up is fear. Fear of being laughed at, fear of being wrong, fear of seeming uninformed. (Source)

These insecurities can be difficult to overcome, especially when writing for the World Wide Web and the millions it connects to. Yes, a public blog is open to be attacked by thousands of faceless critics; it is also just as open to support. Potshots or praise, we do not know until we post.

More focused, I am reminded by Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban of a speech J.K. Rowling gave at the 2008 Havard commencement, "The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination." She admits that her fear of failure landed her in a dark place during her youth and it was only the experience of failure that guided her to success. In her words, “Failure meant a stripping away of the inessential.” She continues, “Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realised, and I was still alive." (Source)

The fear of failure, the creativity-sucker, the blocker of writers, the apprehension only cripples us. A bit of backward movement can motivate us to push forward, but we definitely won’t go anywhere if we don’t make a move.

In terms of writing, when we’re stuck, we need a good flush. We need to free ourselves of fear and follow the flow. Only then can we transform a weekend’s garbage into Toronto’s skyline—or at least find a topic to blog on.

That’s it! I’ll write about writing.

Writing Rule:

Don’t let the white screen mock you. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. Post fearlessly.